FROM SELFISHNESS TO ALTRUISM

“THE ALTRUIST IS A REASONABLE EGOTIST.” One must always keep in mind the difference between helping and enabling, and thus analyze our intentions, motivations, actions, and results with the utmost sharpness.

It is the boundary between these two terms that alone allows us to answer the question: am I selfish?

You are really selfish! This famous remark, with its very negative connotation, often puts us on the defensive and inevitably leads us to respond: “I’m not selfish, just very busy right now. Besides, remember when I helped you with this or that…, when I listened to you all evening telling me about such and such a misfortune…!”

Even if we are overwhelmed, we feel guilty for not immediately meeting the expectations of others. And it’s even worse when these expectations demand us to do something we don’t like or that requires an unusual effort.

Whatever the reasons, we become defensive because what we seek is the approval of the other, their agreement, their admiration, their love… This sometimes leads us very far into what is ordinarily unacceptable to us.

Most often, people who call you selfish are telling you that you don’t give them what they want, when they want it, or how they want it… But tell me, aren’t they being a bit selfish themselves?