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Selfish or Selfless? How to Help Without Losing Yourself
Why Being “Reasonably Selfish” Could Be the Most Generous Thing You Do
The Fine Line Between Help and Harm
“You’re so selfish!” Few accusations sting as deeply. They provoke guilt, defensiveness, and the frantic urge to justify ourselves: I helped you with this! I supported you through that!
But let’s pause. What if selfishness isn’t inherently bad? What if some “reasonable selfishness” helps us set boundaries and truly support others? As philosopher Rémy de Gourmont said, “The altruist is a reasonable egoist.”
This article explores how to help others while safeguarding your energy, autonomy, and mental well-being. Let’s examine the difference between empowering and enabling — and why mastering this distinction makes you a better friend, partner, and person.
Understanding Selfishness
Selfishness is often misunderstood. When someone calls you selfish, it’s usually because you didn’t meet their expectations — not because you did something inherently wrong. But what’s the real issue?
The Hidden Selfishness in Others When others demand your time or energy, they might unconsciously prioritize their needs over yours…
